Monday, November 16, 2009

Office Dairies....

Want to know how a typical day at office looks like? What makes work situations a topic that has many of us amused? What makes Dilbert tick? I'm sure we all relate to this situation at some point or other in our daily lives. Here is an interesting & hilarious account I received from AK, one of the members of this blog on the nuances of this word called 'Office'. Read on....

"Friday 11/09/09:

6:00 am: Alarm screams, buzzed it down. My sweetheart yanks it down to the floor and curses me to get up and shut my alarm down by myself. I am busy sleeping and in rarity do listen to her at this hour. They say the sleep at this pristine hour matches nothing... Sleep on good old Gulliver; you have many more seas to cover.

7:30 am: Check the time again, in a decent shape to get ready for work. Damn, the climate now a days is wicked. I suddenly feel like Calvin and his eternal fight with the blanket. I try hard and hard to free myself from the tyranny of the blanket, but the ever brutal blanket wants me to be its slave for eternity. With the help of my princess, I win over the battle with Mr. Blanket and head over to the bathroom.

8:30 am: Suddenly active with the outburst of the shower head that has been angry with me all this while. Eat breakfast and get ready to conquer the world only to realize that I have been hit hard with the cold winter in Richmond which makes you realize that you equal a tiny figment of Gods fart.

9:30 am: Open up the laptop, stare relentlessly till it boots up. I don’t understand what’s wrong with this beautiful machine which makes me want to stare at it even before it’s up and running. I mean the curves, the sleek design, the way it handles me!!! Sorry I got lost for a minute.

10:00 am: This damn thing won’t start up. It’s been 30 min; staring at the computer as if it’s the last beautiful thing on earth and I am going to do anything but get her.

10:15 am: We are finally up and running, are we not pretty boy??? I assume a role of a warrior to protect the world surrounding me because every city needs a vigilante who has to protect their own kind. Be it rain, wind, sun, darkness etc anything that can stop and stare at humanity; I am going to brave it all to give solace to my people. Brave as I am, just short of indispensable gadgets which aid me to nab all kind of criminals. The name is COON (inspired by South Park – Eric Cartman).

10:45 am: Woke up after saving innumerable humans and another life forms in fantasy land. I am back! Again staring at the computer to start some kind of work. Suddenly my co worker comes with a worried face questioning my position in the solar system. I say I have a legal right to be here as I am the chosen one. She doesn’t get it (ha ha ignorant humans). I go on to ask her about her problem – it seems that I was supposed to finish documentation a week ago and was lagging behind …… way behind the schedule and it is affecting the project!!! Damn humans!!!

12:30 lunch hour: My coworker is still staring at me and she continues to do so until I finish my work today!!! Damn Humans!!!

2:30 pm: My watch seems to be running slow. I can barely hear its heartbeat. My watch has been my good partner. Ever since I started hiding my real identity with the world, my watch has been my confidante. At times, we strike a long conversation, but I don’t know what, my watch doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. May be its mad as well, that I am not able to give it much time now a days. There used to be a time when we both went for long drives, used to hold on to it so closely that it would almost suffocate. But as always, I have moved on from worldly things, since I have got new responsibility now. My watch has to understand and tread along, I cannot stay sad and see the crime spiral up around me. I have to act!!!!!

3:30 pm: Damn these watches… when will you come around and tell me the correct time (i.e. 5:00pm). Don’t you understand the importance of time!! Yes make up what ever you want buddy... I am not listening to you. It’s my way or the high way!!!

4:30 pm: Miracle happens and my co worker has to run some errand. I am actually not afraid of her, but I am worried that she is going to tell on me. I am not afraid of that either which will make my manager keep a close eye on me. I am worried of that as the manager will want to have status from work every now, more often than required. I am the COON and I can come up with excuses right? What the hell is the super hero supposed to do when confronted by his manager? Now the manger is a tricky fellow, like the ones who steal your food when you are hungry and will die if you don’t eat that French fry lying in the plate. The poor little French fry, looks so divine, the golden ruffled feathers it has, a shiny head and more over it is resting in the pool of tomato ketchup. How often do we realize that we also want to like a life like that?

5:00 pm: I am getting impatient as to why I have been held hostage against my will. There is no one to shout my rights to. What kind of office is this? Its 5:00pm already and nobody is ready to budge out of the seat and start for home. Do you know how tormenting it is just to stand by and wait for the line to begin? Its not that I cannot start with a line, but there is a decency involved in everything you do. The story goes back to ages when I was a kid – like 1000yrs back. It was a sunny day and I was about to get out of the house. I was fond of sunlight as it would give me energy to survive, it was my daily routine. One fine day, general disarray happens to stomp on our town and I was challenged to fight him. I didn’t know who I was at that age, aggression came naturally to me. I volunteered and went to wage a fight with disarray. I was wounded in the combat and shipped locally to one of the village hospitals. The hospitals were in delipidated condition, no water, no nurse, a single doctor for 2000 patients. I was nursing, well, eating all the natural goodies as I was shifted to a forest surrounding. I ate roots, dates, trees, barks, almost anything that moved, lived or vegetated. I was then moved to the now gitmo base – desert land where I had to feed on lizards, squirrels and snakes. I loved that life.

5:30 pm: The only soul in the office about to leave, unruffled by the world around, pledge to make sure the humanity is saved beyond what it has known. I hear a fire alarm and start screaming “SOMEBODY HELP ME”!!!!!!!!"

I was left smiling & open-mouthed as I read this....way to go AK, I couldn't agree more :-)


astrosunilnomy said...

very true, liked the alarm thing, i too never get up at first ring of alarm & thank god for having that snooze button. office is an obligation after all, remember you are too busy to think that you have enough time for yourself or interests...if this helps in anyway ;-)

Amari said...

I so much agree Sunil, guess this is the story for most of us :-). Do let me know if there is anyway we can change this :-)

astrosunilnomy said...

Well let's have a higher level of understanding with ourselves first with true sense. Hit the bull's eye. Accept the facts once for all. i don't like to get up to go to office because i dislike it, though not hate it. this is simply just not the thing i intend to do all day long. my passion lies somewhere else. i am not living my passion owing to my majbooriayan or hesitation or not dared to give it a try or i am really incapable of the same or whatever. universal law is that things average out. stop thinking about ideal situations & start to live in averaged out day to day situations. what we want is happiness & that can be achieved if we think in a reasonable way. we can be happier. Do you have any other choice than making the best of what god gave you? No !! this is my case, apply suitable for yours to reform...there is my frnd who wants to work in NGO but she is employed in IT company because she has to earn for her family. may be she can do it say after 10 yrs. well this is the best her life can offer her...this is reasonable thinking..leading to revelations & hence happiness..i can go on philosophically like this a long way..but hey whatever it is, enjoy life anyway !

Amari said...

Yeah well said :-). 'Be the change you want to see in the world', so said the Mahatma! If we wanna truly do something, I think no matter what, we outta go out there & do it! Obligations may stop most of us but again its all a matter of what works for you & what your priorities are! God Bless.

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